i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
