Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
