well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
