There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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