oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he puts the penis in happiness.
you win again, gameday.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
