In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
