Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i think my cat just said my name.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
