How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
