Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
