# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
