i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize