16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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