oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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