I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
