Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
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