Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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