At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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