did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
