i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
