May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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