I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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