friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
