u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
