when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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