can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just found puke in my bra..
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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