I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
