i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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