Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
