Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
