can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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