booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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