watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
