these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
