now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i think i have two assholes
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
how drunk are you?
Several
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
