no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
