So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
