youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
