Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
