U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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