Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
