I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
