When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Come see our sink grown plant.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
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