I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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