I want to have your abortion
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
