so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
