You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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