if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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