I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
