even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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