i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
