maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
