sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
