sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
