it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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