I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
