Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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