Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize