It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
