where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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