WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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