Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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