i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
