Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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