I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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