I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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