All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
