I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
