is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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