I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We need to get me chipped asap
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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