so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Sorry about my life...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
